Author: JM Rosenberry
Fargo, North Dakota
Good morning from the state that never did shut down fully. There was no lock down for those of us who were deemed ESSENCIAL. Yes folks, fast food was deemed a necessity and therefore we stayed open. It was good at first and then someone came in sick and made someone else sick and that person had a son....we lost three people in the span of a week and I decided to throw my sanity and health out the window and work 40 hours last week. We also had a girl go MIA because she was throwing up every night at 3 am and decided not to come to work or go home yet, but she will be back next week I hear and I can't technically be mad at her because she is a vulnerable adult and I do genuinely care about her.
I normally only work up to 35 hrs and before you say anything about how you wished you got to work such and such....Try it at a job you hate. Then be forced to face a fear that give you huge panic attacks that include hallucinations and get back to me. And no I don't take any meds because I have not had to really face such a stressful situation before. Heck it took me years before I would even try and go to a therapist but that was expensive and I had to stop. I have generalized anxiety, depression, ADHD. I was only ever diagnosed with a learning disability so you can imagine how it went after only recently finding out why I am the way I am.
Did I just out myself as mentally unstable? Aren't we all unstable or quirky or whatever at some point and time in our lives? The stigma is still there and when you throw in aches and pains from getting old it's just one big shit show. So that, My friends is why this blog is so late. I work, come home, eat, load up my Sims 4 game for an hour before putting the boy to bed and watching It's Always Sunny before doing it all over again the next day. Writing anything or working on an art project have gone out the window as well. I am surviving with coffee and unnecessary amazon orders.
Oh yeah and I never got over my mothers death. So that was fun. I told my son I wouldn't cry and was crying over the news before I had even gotten to work. As an empath I cry over sad pet stories and world situations. It is what it is and although I try it's not a world of rainbows and light that I live in. I do find joy in birding and planting flowers. I guess working a ton of hours will give me the funds to buy all the plants and bird stuff I want. We are also making our rock garden into a brick patio that has a gazebo and a little water feature.
The boys want to go camping and I just want to get out of town for a night. I do miss going out of town and was supposed to be headed to Vegas and Canada this year but that plan has changed. They just opened the parks and playgrounds this week, but I don't really want to let my son play on the equipment just yet. It's also our Birthaversary next week and I really don't want to celebrate another birthday. I do want to celebrate the release of Palaye Royale's The Bastards. Their third studio album. I might have even purchased the vinyl without owning a record player but I don't plan on even opening it. I really wish we had more space or a finished basement. It could also be that I have all my art stuff down there with all of my Halloween and Christmas stuff. I never thought I would think that I have too much Halloween but every year when I have to drag it all up I wonder.
So here we are on a rare day off. It's my husbands birthday. Happy Birthday R! I purchased the hard cover of Exquisite Corpse and had Billy write Happy Birthday inside it. It was the first Poppy book that I let his read when he was laid up. Our story is the typical we met at the bar story. My Co-Worker wanted to go see my friends band and I had seen him before at this same bar but I was not interested...Side note, I was still married but separated. Ex was in Bismarck and I was in Fargo. My friend had a crush on him and we ended up chatting and she wanted to invite him and his buddy back to our new apartment. He hit me, I hit him back and that was our story. Neither of us were looking to date and we began to hang out. He tore his ACLU tendon I think and Instead of going on our first date we decided to make it official and I moved in the next weekend. I gave him Poppy's books to read and he loved them. Eighteen years together and fourteen married. I never thought that was possible for me yet here I am. I should have told you to get out your snax and drinks for this one.
I guess that's what happens when you don't blog in over a month. I will be posting another book chapter too so keep an eye out for that. Have I mentioned I have Twitter/FB/Insta and a YouTube channel? Come check me out and say hello. Pretty sure I have said enough for now.
Peace, love and all that happiness crap.
Being an empath when the world is going mad is not fun and the stress of it all likes to make my body rebel in funny ways. I get aches and pains, headaches and the feeling of being worn down. I want to eat and sleep as the world goes haywire around me. Just last week things were semi normal, well as normal as things can be for me anyway.
I was made for quarantine, but how much would I really be able to handle being stuck in my house with two very different personality's. To say that we clash is an understatement and I often need to go away just to keep a semblance of sanity at times. They shut down the schools last week and already I am wondering when they will let the kids go back We went from one confirmed case to five and have shut down the lobby at work. You can still come inside and get your food to go and our drive thru is also open. Hours will be cut and I am just waiting with baited breath for the closure of the building.
My boys in Palaye were over in the UK, barely made it home and have been quarantined to their homes, but have come up with an idea to do some live streaming this weekend. Other bands have also taken up this trend, and right now It's a welcome distraction from the news of the world. Lot of people deal with stress differently. I tend to eat and online shop, A LOT.
Speaking of Shopping, We are not immune to the panic shoppers. Our shelves are cleared out of a vast assortment of consumer goods. All I wanted the other day was cat food and some TP. I did get both but things are very cleared out. It made me go back last night to get some more freezer stuff and see if they had any TP yet. I dipped into my Vegas fund for this and wouldn't you know it....Vegas is closed!! They have not shut down the strip since Kennedy was killed.
You can't not know about the Corona virus by now. Everyone wants to talk about it and I have spent more than a few hours reading up on it. Hubs on the other hand is avoiding any news. I keep seeing the check lists of what it is like to have the virus and every single time I say to myself. Yes! I had that back in Nov/Dec. Of course back then they simply told me I had a chest infection that turned into pneumonia and was very close to being septic. I spent three days in the hospital and now, Looking back I think I had the virus. They didn't know what It was, just that I didn't have the flu. My co workers all got sick after I did and all of them were told it was a viral infecting and not the flu.
Anyway. I am better and happy to still be able to work as everything around us shuts down. Trying to explain to a melting down kid that he can't go to playland or Skyzone was fun. He was even upset he couldn't go back to school. Of course the week before he was claiming blindness and hearing loss as a way to stay home. He's also claimed broken bones and bloody nose's along with the I am just too sick to go to school today. His Oscar worthy performances never cease to amuse me and often get softie mom to cave and buy him things he doesn't need.
So here I am on Tues night. Ready for bed at eight thirty, dreading getting up and going to work. I feel off and uninspired. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I can't help it. I even called and talked to my dad for the first time in a year. He and my step mother are good as is my brother and his family. Social distancing? I have been doing it for years now. Give me books and the internet and I will be fine. Oh and Palaye Royale released a song called Lonely. Off their new album, The Bastards. I have linked it below because I can. Because in this world of messed up stuff and too much sadness they can still make me smile.
Stay sane inside of insanity!
PALAYE ROYALE - Lonely (Official Music Video)
It was only twenty degrees when I started to write this. It's since warmed up and we can dream about spring at last. The parades are all done and I am halfway done with Mr. Mercedes. This is the point where I always seem to put a king book down and forget to pick it up again. I can't tell you how many half finished books I have around the house. I do finish them, eventually.
I read way less now that I have shifted my focus to actually writing my own books and short stories. I also have to confess to being a social media junkie. FB, Twitter, IG, YouTube, Wattpad, and a dozen game apps that I hardly play. I am also a Patron of a couple of creators. The later of which drives my hubs crazy.
You see, we don't have a ton of extra money for fun stuff. So my spending twenty dollars on someone else irks him. My thought on this is that I could be out doing drugs or at the bar with other men. Most nights you will find me grinning stupidly at my computer screen. My twenty dollars actually gets me a handmade spooky gift every month and has introduced me to a slew of new friends and new experiences. His name is Devin, AKA Lonesomeghosts and he used to play Bass for the band Motionless In White. His stage name...Ghost. He also has Lost Souls tattooed on his fingers, although he has never read the book and didn't know the reference when I brought it up in chat. He's also a Sissy. It was something I knew nothing about, and maybe we shouldn't be going down that rabbit hole here.
How do I even talk about this without sounding ignorant or racist? Maybe I shouldn't talk about it here, but it's an important part of who I am now, and how I even got here. Also this feels like a very safe place to talk about any number of subjects. You have to realize that I came from a very backwards midwestern background. It was church and working hard and going to school and staying in your own lane. I was pretty sheltered as a kid and even growing up I was not aware of many sub cultures. Now you can watch Drag Race and Dragula and any number of YouTube vides on whatever topic interests you, but back then you had to really go looking for it.
I can still remember being in total awe watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the very first time. It made me feel weird and not in a bad way. When I look back now I realized that every guy I had a crush on in a movie or show was gay in real life. Again, I came from a time and a town that was ninety percent white and cis. It's not like today at all. In high school I had one gay friend that I met though my other friend. Boy, was that a confusing friendship. He's the one guy I dated who was also confused before he decided he was actually gay. He and his partner still live a few hours away from me.
I have never felt the need to declare my sexuality or come out. I guess this is it, right here and now? I couldn't even admit that I was Bi or pan or whatever label you want to throw at me until I met my openly gay co worker for the first time. But wait...Your married to a labeled Cis male. Yeah, I hate boxes. We are what we are and I have decided to just jump head first into the things that I tried to ignore for way to long. We love who we love and that's it. Your kink is your's and no one can take that away from you.
So go out and hug your queer/LGBT/Gay/Lesbian/Bi/ non binary/ A sexual/ flag waving or not friends and celebrate love in all it's forms. We are all people with complex stories. Some of us are more open that others and some are just now waking up. Without Billy and Grey I don't know where I would be or even who I would be right now. They have made me proud to be who I am and who I have yet to become. It's all about discoveries and learning to be comfortable in your own skin, be it altered or not. We are all just blood, bones and flesh on the inside.
Thanks for letting me ramble on this sunny, Saturday afternoon. I really should get out of the house while I still can. Virus blog up next? I do want to say that I am tired of people telling me how I should feel about all this. Why not let me feel how I want to and keep your thoughts to yourself. I will say that it does worry me. I am not in panic mode but I am not ignoring the problem either. Would it be Vegas or Boulder? That is the question.
I had intended to write this blog about a childhood friend who was never actually a friend. To this day it hurts that she can't seem to see past her own insecurities or even admit that she was completely wrong in attacking me the last time I talked to her. Real friends don't put each other down or tell your dad to call the hospitals when she loses you at a concert, do they? Anywho- It's that dreaded love day that used to make me smile like a kid in a candy store....It used to be a day for flowers, jewelry, wine, snuggles and feeling apricated. Now days I am lucky I get asked what I want from Burger King as I scrub the dishes that the dishwasher didn't want t to clean, even after two cycles. Oh and my son has a new girlfriend, he didn't see the other girl as much as he wanted at the bus stop. He's 5 by the way. Is it to early to start drinking?
So I decided to buy my own Valentines gift as I have been doing for the past few years. I buy what I want for myself. I'm sure hubs would love for me to wait for him to surprise me with stuff but those days are long gone. Have I mentioned that it's our official anniversary as well. Seventeen years together. We used to buy each other those tacky cards, I have boxes full of them. I eventually said that he didn't really need to buy me stuff so he stopped and the, I get what I want began.
Those of you who have or had parents that lasted a long time, or are still together will understand. It's not about the things you buy. It's about the time spent together and how you live day to day. Even if you can't seem to be in the same room with each other at times. If I feel sad or down then I go paint or write or listen to the bands he seems to hate just to spite me. And no better Valentine gift could be given to me as one of the rock mags has put my boys on the cover once again. Somehow this band ends up on covers when I need them to. Last time it was my mothers birthday, she had been gone for almost twenty years at that point and I had to refrain from crying on their shirts when I dragged my best friends to the concert in the town that l fled when she passed. twenty years almost to the day.
Where were we??
Oh yes. That day of love and happiness crap. What actually sparked this blog post was not my loathing of V day or how good my boys look on that cover. It's more of a political thing. I tend to stay away from both political stuff and religion on the grounds that I don't care to fight with anyone. I have my views and you have yours. Some people get certain art and some others will never understand. Art is subjective and seen in so many different ways. There is an artist from my hometown who does those old glass plate photos of people from different reservations. His name is, Shane Balkowitsch and he had a photo of that one girl...you know who I am talking about. The little blond thing that has everyone in such a tizzy. Greta something.
Shane had been given permission to put his photo of her on the wall of a new bakery and you would have thought he was going to murder someone and put the photo up for all to see. He got threats, the owner got threats and everyone was up in arms over a mural. Luckily he was offered another building a little East of Bismarck. Fargo has an emerging arts scean downtown, even if I don't like how pricy aartments are sprouting up like mushrooms, it's good to see more and more venues for shows and street art. So the little blond girl will get her place on the wall after all. Of course people are already threatening to boycott the building and damage the artwork. Not sure how a peice of art is a threat to anyone but it seems that so much art is a threat in some way. Is it because it makes us think? I guess I will never understand some metalities.
Fargo and North Dakota in general are so far behind other cities in the art and culture area. We have began to make some changes, little things are happening that I see as a good sign and others don't want to see happen at all. We still don't have an acutual convention center. Just this last year they have finlly begun to talk about building one. Most big events are in bigger cities that are hours away from us. Change is happening but it's happening slowly. We are a red state so rooted in the past and bound by our small town mentality that any amount of change that is outside the norm is scary for some. I love my town, don't get me wrong. Winters, and cold winds, not so much, Being known as the top drunken college town also not so much. Don't even get me started on Bison football and the love of green and gold.
And on that note I will leave you with a tight smile and a shake of my head. It's trime for another cup of coffee and some Netflix show that I will probably turn off halfway through.
I have always loved reading and writing short stories. getting into king and other horror writers at a young age. I got my love of horror from my mother who loved the movie Halloween and would let me watch it with her when it came on the TV. Salem's lot was another show I remember being scared by and loving that feeling it gave me. There were other loves as I got older and branched out into SIFI and fell in love with Elfquest and Doctor Who. It wouldn't be until high school that I would find out that I was pretty good at abstract art and also had a love of theater.
Guess I should introduce myself hu? My author name is J.M. Rosenberry, but most people know me as Jade or DarkJade. Dark Jade Creations being the name I use for my artwork. I am a married, Midwestern mother of one. I love music and anything horror or spooky related. You could say I am the typical Midwesterner who works, tries to raise her child without losing her mind, not that I had much sanity to begin with, My goals are simple, survive the winter and dream of going to Disneyland with some of my favorite people. Oh yeah, I am also a small Youtuber when I can find the time and have written several stories for Grey and his Artists to Authors project. I have written one book you can find on Amazon with a second one being worked on in fits and starts. I am also a fan fic writer on Wattpad. Yes I have my hand in way to many Jars..haha.
So I wont boar you with my rambling and If you enjoyed the shlock of the 80's horror you might like The Midnight Within. It might not be king worthy but it's a fun ride. It's a mix of everything I am obsessed with and finally gotten out of the dark closet of my brain. Maybe with a little feedback I will be inspired to keep going or maybe I will end up scrubbing it all.