Author: JM Rosenberry
Fargo, North Dakota
I know I have been very absent from blogging but I really didn't feel up to posting. I had a lot of negative feelings and stuff has been rather hard for everyone. I didn't want to bring anyone down and have spent most of my time wrangling a brand new puppy. I wasn't sure I even wanted another dog, but we ended up with a derpy Yellow lab named Gus. He has been keeping me really busy and when I am not dog and kid wrangling I am trying to get back that lost hour of sleep. Sleep has been good to me of late so why fight it right? I am overworked, overstressed and ready to pull out my hair. Then last week Jax got sick and I soon followed. Taken down by a very nasty stomach bug. It's left me weak and unable to eat, although I made hubby get me Taco Bell last night. I have also been dealing with anxiety and work issues. They made me go in even though I was a risk to everyone.
So that's what I have been dealing with and right now I just want to feel better. I tested negative for Covid so I guess that's good. This is a short blog to say that I am alive. I spend a lot of time watching Discovery+ and now that it's warmer out maybe I will be able to get outside and go walking along the river. I can't seem to do a whole lot without getting really winded and I hate that. Whatever this is it's kicking my butt. So Happy Easter to those that celebrate it. I'm going back to bed.
. What comes to mind when you think about addiction? Drug abuse? Drinking? Those are two major vices for sure, but there are so many more addictions out there. Phones, gaming, sex, shopping, the list goes on and on and on. And now that so many people are stuck inside on quarantine it's easier than ever to fall prey to your own vices. One of my major vices is music, live music and now that there are no concerts to go to everything has moved to virtual tours. I can now see my favorite artist with the click of a button and at first I was against this type of show.
I can go to YouTube any time of the day or night and watch them for free but something about getting a ticket to a specific concert got me. Paris one night and Chicago the next. Youngblud started this trend with his shows that were tailored for certain cities and that was really cool. Then Motionless In White had a show close to Halloween that came with a physical comitative ticket. Both shows were cheaper than what I would have paid to actually go to the show. Although with MIW I ordered a sweatshirt so it was a little more. Some shows are doing virtual meet and greets via zoom and that's also pretty cool but out of my price range. Next up for me is Black Veil Brides, always wanted to see them live and never had the chance so this is the next best thing.
Want to know what I love best about these shows? What's the upside you ask? I can sit in my pajamas and eat food while I watch it. No being shoved around or getting beer spilled all over me. No jerks to start fights with unless you want to count my six year old who wont stop bouncing off the walls, floor and furniture. Downside is, not being able to hug them all. I miss the excitement of meeting fans face to face and waiting for lights to go down. I know we will get back to real venues soon and hopefully things wont have changed drastically from this shitty situation.
So part of me thinks I am too old for the music I love. Everyone around me is twenty years or more younger than I. I grew up with eighty's metal. Hair bands were the loves of my life in high school. I can't help but feel a little weird fangirling over a band or singer and being afraid to get called out on it. It doesn't help that you suddenly are not allowed to sexualize anyone for any reason. It's an insane concept for me since I grew up with bands like Poison, Motley Crue, Gun's N Roses, Skid Row and so many more. They lived for sex and hairspray and that was everything to me although I don't think some of todays bands have gotten the message. They still dress amazingly and tease the crap out of us constantly. Not to mention that it's so much easier for bands to connect with fans now that they have Istanagram and Twitter.
Twenty or Thirty years ago you would never have been able to see the band celebrating in the Studio at the time of release. You had to wait for media to pick it up or MTV to show you behind the scene's stuff. You had to go to the store and physically get your copy of whatever magazine had them on the cover. Now it's a constant barrage of buy my shit...errr merch. And for a person with shopping addictions it's hard to not snap stuff up and be remorseful later on. I buy albums with no record player. I buy singed CD's just to have them. Music is my life, it always has been and I guess I should feel lucky to not have more serious issues. I have savings and I have money for food and expenses so why not treat myself sometimes and If you have read this far then I thank you for letting me ramble on so long.
Music is important for the soul. It makes you feel less alone when your down and connects you with so many people. If you find yourself in a creative rut then put on your favorite music and let it inspire you. It has inspired me to write this blog and work on my other stories. So I will leave you with something that might make you cringe or it might make you smile and I will warn you...probably not the thing you want to watch with your kids, or maybe you do and that's a whole other blog for another day.
Always and forever,
I was motivated to write a short story/fan fiction thing due to a certain woman who just doesn't get it. It's not great but it's mine and i am glad I wrote it. For now it's on Wattpad but I will be posting it to other sights as well. So I give you...Die a little....For Billy.
Wildly messy hair, black painted nails, dark lips and combat boots with pink sox and his favorite skirt. The look was perfect as Dom stood sneering at his own refection. It was starting to rain and he was late once again as he reached for his smokes and headed for the door. Sighing he drank down the last of the bottle of goose and pulled himself from the mirror. He walked though the dark flat to grab his leather coat before He stepped out onto the stoop. The rain was picking up as he lit his smoke and noticed his neighbor had also come out of her own front door. He had wanted to get away so he could write and ended up next door to yet another well known name. The older blond lady smiled at him as she smoked her own fag. Not wanting to be a total dick he nodded politely, not sure what to make of her. They hadn't yet spoken and it had been more than six months.
" Good evening. " She said, lifting her hand to him.
" Looks like rain." He grinned, looking up at the dark sky.
" It does. " She put out her ciggy and went down the steps as the car came around the bend. Dom did the same as he looked down at his phone. Colson had been blowing it up all night about when he was going to show.
They both went for the car door at the same time and ended up laughing together.
" Is this your car? " She said. I'm sorry I thought it was mine, I'm going to a party uptown. "
Dom pulled his crumpled invite from his pocket. He wanted it just in case they tried to deny him entry. " Yeah it's some birthday things for some hot shot publisher that wants to work with me. Life story or some shit. "
" Oh, then we are going to the same place. Want to share the car? "
" Sure. " He got in and slid over as she fiddled with her own phone.
It was starting to rain harder as the car pulled away from the flats. They rode in silence until she leaned over to check out what he was doodling on his arm.
" Your a musician aren't you? "
" Yeah and you write those shitty kids books. " He smirked, blowing smoke.
" I actually don't write kids books anymore. I have moved on to something a little more controversial. "
" So we have a lot in common. " He laughed. " I guess that was kinda rude of me. "
" I'm used to it and yes we do seem to have quite a bit in common. "
He didn't like the vibe she was giving off so he picked at his nails and bounced his legs. How bloody long was the car ride going to be? MGK was blowing up his phone once again, asking if he was on his way and Dom wanted to tell him he had changed his mind and wasn't coming.
" were we supposed it wear costumes? " She looked worriedly over at him as if she might be completely overdressed.
" Naw. Black tie thing. " He chuckled.
" Aren't you cold? "
" Yeah..." He laughed, tugging the skirt down.
" I get it. The appeal. It's a marketing thing right? sells more records that way? It's actually a pretty smart move. "
" Actually it's just me. Nothing fake about it. You should try it. Maybe pull the stick out of your arse. " He was annoyed that people would make an assumption about him when they didn't know him at all. He was what he was, It was not a gimmick. " Look, If you got a problem with me..."
" That's not it at all. " She seemed surprised. "
" Then what is it? "
" I like you. " She put her hand on his leg and smiled.
Dom's eyes widened. Was that why she was always looking over the fence at them? He didn't know what to make of it and was about to make lame joke when she leaned over and kissed him. He let her, then grabbed her hand and moved it off his leg, breaking contact. When the car stopped in front of the huge, well lit house he scrambled from the car with a mumbled thanks.
" Dude! " MGK was at the top of the steps waiting for him.
" Holy shit. " Dom hugged Colson as the woman moved up the steps behind them giving them a sly smile.
" You dog. " Colson grinned as she passed.
" No bro. It's not what you think mate. She's my neighbor and we shared a car is all. "
" sure bra. "
" Shut the fook up. " Laughing he put his friend in head lock and tweaked his nose. " You're the one who likes older chicks, go for it. "
" Whatever. Come on in."
They went into the party which was as stuffy and lame as Colson had said it was. He didn't see miss thing, which was a relief as they grabbed drinks and mingled. There was a huge cake for the birthday girl and Dom couldn't stop himself from shoving cake in Colson's face. retaliating, MGK grabbed a handful of cake and mashed it over Dom's head. Drunk they ran out the door, collapsing on the wet grass out front. Smoking and passing a bottle back and forth they looked up at the stars until Dom sat up.
" Why do people have to be all judgy and shit. I hate it. I hate that I have to defend myself every time I step out of the house. "
" So tell her to fuck off and be done with it mate. "
" I should. You shouldn't ever use your platform for trashing someone else's choices. It's not right. I'm going back in. "
" Change your mind about hooking up did you? "
" Dom chuckled and took MGK's hand. Licked the icing off his fingers and grinned impishly. " I thought I saw a garden shed out back. Thought I would take my best friend out there for a snog. "
Dom leaned in to kiss MGK before helping him up to his feet. " let's clean up. "
They went back inside and Dom found his way to an upstairs bathroom. He needed a shower but didn't think that would be the best idea. He was about to turn out the light and go look for Colson when Miss Thing appeared in the doorway.
" You need to get the stains out before they set. " She smiled hungrily at him. " Take off your shirt. " She pushed him up against the sink, pulling his shirt over his head. " Now your skirt. "
" Your not..." He wanted to protest but she was already pulling it down.
She tossed them into the sink and turned on the cold water. " Your not afraid of me are you? " she laughed.
" No but, right here? Now? "
" Got a better idea? " She was kissing him again.
" Fook it. " He put his hands on her hips and walked her backwards towards the bed. They fell on it, kissing and groping.
" Close your eyes. " She whispered into his ear.
" You gonna get kinky on me? " He grinned.
" You'd like that wouldn't you? " Her eyes darkened as she reached behind her.
" Hell yeah. " His grin faltered as he caught sight of the blade in her hand.
" Sick bastard. What do you think all your little fans would say if they knew the truth? how you raped a woman when you couldn't get what you wanted. "
" I don't know what the fook you are doing or what game your playing but this shits not funny."
" No it's not. Attacking a defenseless woman. " She drew the blade across her arm, drawing blood. "
" What the hell. Stop! " He wanted to try and get the blade away from her and thought better of it.
" You stop! " She cut her hand and screamed as loud as she could. "
Dom shoved her off him and scrambled off the bed. He was in a panic and didn't know what to do. She clearly was mad as a hatter."
" Help me! Oh god help! " She screamed and slashed her other arm.
" He didn't know what else to do but take the knife from her. Luckily he didn't have to do anything as MGk threw open the door and Miss thing dropped the knife to the floor.
" Dude she's fooking whack! " Dom took a step forward and Miss thing stumbled back away from him.
" He attacked me. " She cried. " He tried to rape me. "
" Man...What the hell. "
" I didn't do anything. " Dom felt his stomach roll.
" Call the police! " Miss thing wailed.
a crowd was gathering just outside the open bedroom doors. Everyone looked shocked as Miss thing screamed bloody murder and Dom could only look from face to face in hopes that someone would believe him when he said he didn't do it. He kept moving towards her with his hands out. She stumbled away from him in a panic of her own and didn't see MGK's feet until it was too late. Dom tried to reach for her as she pitched backwards and went screaming over the railing. The room spun and Dom felt sick to his stomach. He heard the gasps followed by screaming, who was screaming? He clung to Colson with tears in his eyes. He had to look, to see what happened and wished he hadn't. She had fallen onto the giant ice sculpture, impaling herself on it. Everyone was screaming and crying and the room grew dark as he passed out cold.
He woke up on the floor with his head in Colson's lap. " My fooking head hurts. "
" Bra you got some splainin to do. " Colson was holding his hand. " The cops want to speak to you. "
" You saw her! You saw her cut her own fooking arm man. She tried to set me up. "
" I did see her. a lot of people saw her. We need to get you the hell out of here. "
" You want to run away with me? " Dom grinned up at Colson. He knew that he was screwed no matter what happened. Everyone could back him up and still people would blame him and want his head on a platter. It was time to jet.
Months later he was laying on a beach with a drink in his hand. He didn't think he could ever know true happiness but with the sun beating down on his bare chest and the warm breeze blowing his hair he knew that had been a lie he had been telling himself for a very long time.
He had thought that his life was over that night even after his name had been cleared he didn't think things would ever be the same again. It had been a horrible accident. He knew that, but could he have done something different and what if she had actually framed him? Then what? She would be laughing her way to the bank while he sat in jail.
" Dude. Where are you? " Colson squeezed his hand.
Dom looked over at him and smiled. " Right here mate. Right where I belong ."
" Lets go for a swim. " Colson kissed the back of his hand. " Then we can chill in the room. "
His life could have turned out so much worse. He didn't need to have a life altering experience to know that. He had been on a downward slop, one he might not have been able to get out of if that night had never happened. He had not only found himself that night but had also found real love, a love he might not have had if Miss thing had gotten away with it. He just had to accept that things happened for a reason and to never waste another second of what he had. He was going to hold onto it for as long as he could and never look back.
" Come on. " Colson flashed his happy grin at Dom as he ran for the azure water.
He didn't know if he believed in happily ever after but as he ran down the beach to join his love he didn't not believe in it either. Life was what you made it and for Dom, his life was just beginning.
don't come for me....It's a story about love and acceptance and how some people will never understand that being different is OK. This is for Billy and every other Trans or otherwise individual that felt hurt by a certain person's views. Stay strong and know that you are loved.
You know it's bad when there are not one but two hurricane's baring down on the gulf. California is on fire again and we found a dead locus behind a till at work. And here I thought my lack of interest in decorating for Halloween was a bad sign. If ever there was a time I was happy to be where I am then this might be it. Already struggling I sit and wonder how I can pull myself together enough to help those in need. What I can I do to help so many who are already down and out. The fact is...I can't.
I cant make the virus go away or the storms to shift course. It's all I can do to get up in the morning and go to work with a fake smile on my face. What does a person do in times like this? I have avoided blogging because I didn't want to bring people down but writing helps me deal with what is rolling around inside my head. I have unintentionally hurt peoples feelings or at least that's what I think at the time. it's more a case of my ADHD getting the better of me and making me paranoid. But in case anyone does feel slighted by me then I do apologize. Sometimes I say things I don't really mean or act out against a perceive threat that is not actually there and it has taken me a lifetime to realize when this happens and call myself out on my own bullshit.
I want to help anyone that needs it but right now I need to help myself as well. I just hope that my scattered friends and family all over the globe will be OK and get though whatever hurdle they face. I am grateful that so far my family is healthy and we were able to continue to work, even if I grumble and groan about the ones that lack the common sense or decency to wear a mask. Perhaps I should take the tiny stride of wearing a mask myself now without seeing stuff and wave that shit around like giant pride flag. I can also look forward to an IRS mistake in our favor that might help us pay even more debt off although I really want to get myself one of those giant 12 foot skeletons for the front yard.
Time to crawl back into bed with a good book, so don't forget to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, unless they don't and in that case you can tell them off for me.
Escaping the city.
I've never been a huge fan of camping. Out there in the open or woods or wherever you go with your tent or camper. It might have been the trips I was forced to take with our family of eight as a child. We had a camper that sat on a green ford tuck and I still don't know how we all slept inside it. I do recall laying up on top and looking out the window as this HUGE logging truck barreled down on us and there was only inches between us. I can also vaguely remember a birthday that was invaded by June bugs and a trip with cousins to some island where they had grape soda in bottles and I found a swing that might have been a little to close to the edge of a cliff. It was probably just a slope, but to my active imagination I was swinging out over a cliff on rusty chains. My memories of camping were from a long time ago and I was very happy to avoid it for as long as I could. It was always talked about between the hubs and I as something he held good memories of. I was more of the glamping kind of girl. Give me a good hotel with a nice pool and nearby shopping. Then this whole pandemic thing happened and suddenly getting out of the house didn't seem so scary after all. We wouldn't be near anyone else and it was just going to be an overnighter, What could possibly go wrong? haha....
I tried to plan ahead. I made a list of what we needed and sent hubby to the store. He got some stuff and said we could get the rest on the way out. I procrastinated packing until the morning of, which didn't make the hubs too happy with me. We were going to stop at the store on the way out and there was a town close by so it was not a huge deal when we didn't stop to eat or hit the store before leaving town. We were just so excited to go. I was more than ready after working long days and dealing with the idiocy of my co-worker who actually called me a racist for planning on going camping and not protesting. He was convinced I was going to bring back the virus and kill him. Yeah...I have since blocked this person on FB, two in one week actually because it's my FB page and my life and they don't have a say in what I do or share.
So, Brewer lake is a small lake about forty-five minutes from Fargo. Hubby and his father had gone there many times when the hubs was a child. It was beautiful and hardly anyone was there when we arrived. We got our spot in the trees and were soon walking down to the beach to check out the swimming area. People were fishing and kayaking on the lake and I was in love with the stillness of it all.. We settled in and Jax brought me a branch in the form of an arrow. He found it near the woods. This lake is right off a wilderness area and you have to go down a tree shrouded road to get to the boat launch. I of course had forgotten my memory card for the camera along with new batteries. I had to use my phone and thankfully we had brought the charger along. So I was walking down that road when I spotted a flycatcher up in the trees. I was standing there watching it eat a dragonfly when the feeling of being watched settled over me. I began to look around me and spotted some trees that were not broken but pushed over. further down was more trees that were snapped in half towards the tops and what looked like a shelter with bowed branches and bent trees. I laughed it off and headed back to the campsite. A quick google searched assured me that there was no sightings of any Bigfoots in the area, as far as I could see.
Later on that afternoon a mom and her kids rolled in and plunked down behind us. I thought she had a bunch of kids by the way she was yelling at them. It turned out to be two. She never stopped yelling or being loud and as it got dark more and more camper trailers were pulling in. Loud music, lights, screaming, laughter and lighted bikes took away my quiet. I was wondering if they were burning man participants getting an early start to the party. After letting Jax swim in the lake we realized we had not packed the way we should have. We had no food other than berries and snacks and only a few blankets to lay on the ground We went into town in hopes of the gas station being open and were greeted with a scene right out of Texas Chain saw massacre. So with no luck we returned to camp. At least we remembered the tent; It was a long night of broken sleep and frequent trips to the loo. At leas the bathroom was decently clean. We were up early and I was back down that road to see what birds I could find. I filmed a little and joked about the trees. That feeling of not being alone was still there so I didn't stay long. After another trip to the beach and some photo taking we packed up and headed home.. It was June 6th, Our 14 year wedding anniversary.
I wanted to go back as soon as we could and after talking about it and looking up other campsite's hubs has informed me that he reserved another spot at Brewer over the 4th of July. This one closer to the lake and farther from the hookups. Going to buy a blow up mattress and get a bigger cooler as well. Hopefully I can get some bird photos and not be eaten by any bigfoots. It really is the perfect spot with it's lush forest and lake access. I might even try some fishing this time around. Yeah....I forgot the poles too....I am not a camper....But I might turn into one since the boys seem to love it so much. Sorry this was not a political rant or virus talk, I figure that we all have had enough things thrown at us. I hope everyone is safe and well and if you don't hear from me again then just assume that i really did run into a bigfoot while out camping.
Love, Peace and Geese.
Good morning from the state that never did shut down fully. There was no lock down for those of us who were deemed ESSENCIAL. Yes folks, fast food was deemed a necessity and therefore we stayed open. It was good at first and then someone came in sick and made someone else sick and that person had a son....we lost three people in the span of a week and I decided to throw my sanity and health out the window and work 40 hours last week. We also had a girl go MIA because she was throwing up every night at 3 am and decided not to come to work or go home yet, but she will be back next week I hear and I can't technically be mad at her because she is a vulnerable adult and I do genuinely care about her.
I normally only work up to 35 hrs and before you say anything about how you wished you got to work such and such....Try it at a job you hate. Then be forced to face a fear that give you huge panic attacks that include hallucinations and get back to me. And no I don't take any meds because I have not had to really face such a stressful situation before. Heck it took me years before I would even try and go to a therapist but that was expensive and I had to stop. I have generalized anxiety, depression, ADHD. I was only ever diagnosed with a learning disability so you can imagine how it went after only recently finding out why I am the way I am.
Did I just out myself as mentally unstable? Aren't we all unstable or quirky or whatever at some point and time in our lives? The stigma is still there and when you throw in aches and pains from getting old it's just one big shit show. So that, My friends is why this blog is so late. I work, come home, eat, load up my Sims 4 game for an hour before putting the boy to bed and watching It's Always Sunny before doing it all over again the next day. Writing anything or working on an art project have gone out the window as well. I am surviving with coffee and unnecessary amazon orders.
Oh yeah and I never got over my mothers death. So that was fun. I told my son I wouldn't cry and was crying over the news before I had even gotten to work. As an empath I cry over sad pet stories and world situations. It is what it is and although I try it's not a world of rainbows and light that I live in. I do find joy in birding and planting flowers. I guess working a ton of hours will give me the funds to buy all the plants and bird stuff I want. We are also making our rock garden into a brick patio that has a gazebo and a little water feature.
The boys want to go camping and I just want to get out of town for a night. I do miss going out of town and was supposed to be headed to Vegas and Canada this year but that plan has changed. They just opened the parks and playgrounds this week, but I don't really want to let my son play on the equipment just yet. It's also our Birthaversary next week and I really don't want to celebrate another birthday. I do want to celebrate the release of Palaye Royale's The Bastards. Their third studio album. I might have even purchased the vinyl without owning a record player but I don't plan on even opening it. I really wish we had more space or a finished basement. It could also be that I have all my art stuff down there with all of my Halloween and Christmas stuff. I never thought I would think that I have too much Halloween but every year when I have to drag it all up I wonder.
So here we are on a rare day off. It's my husbands birthday. Happy Birthday R! I purchased the hard cover of Exquisite Corpse and had Billy write Happy Birthday inside it. It was the first Poppy book that I let his read when he was laid up. Our story is the typical we met at the bar story. My Co-Worker wanted to go see my friends band and I had seen him before at this same bar but I was not interested...Side note, I was still married but separated. Ex was in Bismarck and I was in Fargo. My friend had a crush on him and we ended up chatting and she wanted to invite him and his buddy back to our new apartment. He hit me, I hit him back and that was our story. Neither of us were looking to date and we began to hang out. He tore his ACLU tendon I think and Instead of going on our first date we decided to make it official and I moved in the next weekend. I gave him Poppy's books to read and he loved them. Eighteen years together and fourteen married. I never thought that was possible for me yet here I am. I should have told you to get out your snax and drinks for this one.
I guess that's what happens when you don't blog in over a month. I will be posting another book chapter too so keep an eye out for that. Have I mentioned I have Twitter/FB/Insta and a YouTube channel? Come check me out and say hello. Pretty sure I have said enough for now.
Peace, love and all that happiness crap.
Being an empath when the world is going mad is not fun and the stress of it all likes to make my body rebel in funny ways. I get aches and pains, headaches and the feeling of being worn down. I want to eat and sleep as the world goes haywire around me. Just last week things were semi normal, well as normal as things can be for me anyway.
I was made for quarantine, but how much would I really be able to handle being stuck in my house with two very different personality's. To say that we clash is an understatement and I often need to go away just to keep a semblance of sanity at times. They shut down the schools last week and already I am wondering when they will let the kids go back We went from one confirmed case to five and have shut down the lobby at work. You can still come inside and get your food to go and our drive thru is also open. Hours will be cut and I am just waiting with baited breath for the closure of the building.
My boys in Palaye were over in the UK, barely made it home and have been quarantined to their homes, but have come up with an idea to do some live streaming this weekend. Other bands have also taken up this trend, and right now It's a welcome distraction from the news of the world. Lot of people deal with stress differently. I tend to eat and online shop, A LOT.
Speaking of Shopping, We are not immune to the panic shoppers. Our shelves are cleared out of a vast assortment of consumer goods. All I wanted the other day was cat food and some TP. I did get both but things are very cleared out. It made me go back last night to get some more freezer stuff and see if they had any TP yet. I dipped into my Vegas fund for this and wouldn't you know it....Vegas is closed!! They have not shut down the strip since Kennedy was killed.
You can't not know about the Corona virus by now. Everyone wants to talk about it and I have spent more than a few hours reading up on it. Hubs on the other hand is avoiding any news. I keep seeing the check lists of what it is like to have the virus and every single time I say to myself. Yes! I had that back in Nov/Dec. Of course back then they simply told me I had a chest infection that turned into pneumonia and was very close to being septic. I spent three days in the hospital and now, Looking back I think I had the virus. They didn't know what It was, just that I didn't have the flu. My co workers all got sick after I did and all of them were told it was a viral infecting and not the flu.
Anyway. I am better and happy to still be able to work as everything around us shuts down. Trying to explain to a melting down kid that he can't go to playland or Skyzone was fun. He was even upset he couldn't go back to school. Of course the week before he was claiming blindness and hearing loss as a way to stay home. He's also claimed broken bones and bloody nose's along with the I am just too sick to go to school today. His Oscar worthy performances never cease to amuse me and often get softie mom to cave and buy him things he doesn't need.
So here I am on Tues night. Ready for bed at eight thirty, dreading getting up and going to work. I feel off and uninspired. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I can't help it. I even called and talked to my dad for the first time in a year. He and my step mother are good as is my brother and his family. Social distancing? I have been doing it for years now. Give me books and the internet and I will be fine. Oh and Palaye Royale released a song called Lonely. Off their new album, The Bastards. I have linked it below because I can. Because in this world of messed up stuff and too much sadness they can still make me smile.
Stay sane inside of insanity!
PALAYE ROYALE - Lonely (Official Music Video)
It was only twenty degrees when I started to write this. It's since warmed up and we can dream about spring at last. The parades are all done and I am halfway done with Mr. Mercedes. This is the point where I always seem to put a king book down and forget to pick it up again. I can't tell you how many half finished books I have around the house. I do finish them, eventually.
I read way less now that I have shifted my focus to actually writing my own books and short stories. I also have to confess to being a social media junkie. FB, Twitter, IG, YouTube, Wattpad, and a dozen game apps that I hardly play. I am also a Patron of a couple of creators. The later of which drives my hubs crazy.
You see, we don't have a ton of extra money for fun stuff. So my spending twenty dollars on someone else irks him. My thought on this is that I could be out doing drugs or at the bar with other men. Most nights you will find me grinning stupidly at my computer screen. My twenty dollars actually gets me a handmade spooky gift every month and has introduced me to a slew of new friends and new experiences. His name is Devin, AKA Lonesomeghosts and he used to play Bass for the band Motionless In White. His stage name...Ghost. He also has Lost Souls tattooed on his fingers, although he has never read the book and didn't know the reference when I brought it up in chat. He's also a Sissy. It was something I knew nothing about, and maybe we shouldn't be going down that rabbit hole here.
How do I even talk about this without sounding ignorant or racist? Maybe I shouldn't talk about it here, but it's an important part of who I am now, and how I even got here. Also this feels like a very safe place to talk about any number of subjects. You have to realize that I came from a very backwards midwestern background. It was church and working hard and going to school and staying in your own lane. I was pretty sheltered as a kid and even growing up I was not aware of many sub cultures. Now you can watch Drag Race and Dragula and any number of YouTube vides on whatever topic interests you, but back then you had to really go looking for it.
I can still remember being in total awe watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the very first time. It made me feel weird and not in a bad way. When I look back now I realized that every guy I had a crush on in a movie or show was gay in real life. Again, I came from a time and a town that was ninety percent white and cis. It's not like today at all. In high school I had one gay friend that I met though my other friend. Boy, was that a confusing friendship. He's the one guy I dated who was also confused before he decided he was actually gay. He and his partner still live a few hours away from me.
I have never felt the need to declare my sexuality or come out. I guess this is it, right here and now? I couldn't even admit that I was Bi or pan or whatever label you want to throw at me until I met my openly gay co worker for the first time. But wait...Your married to a labeled Cis male. Yeah, I hate boxes. We are what we are and I have decided to just jump head first into the things that I tried to ignore for way to long. We love who we love and that's it. Your kink is your's and no one can take that away from you.
So go out and hug your queer/LGBT/Gay/Lesbian/Bi/ non binary/ A sexual/ flag waving or not friends and celebrate love in all it's forms. We are all people with complex stories. Some of us are more open that others and some are just now waking up. Without Billy and Grey I don't know where I would be or even who I would be right now. They have made me proud to be who I am and who I have yet to become. It's all about discoveries and learning to be comfortable in your own skin, be it altered or not. We are all just blood, bones and flesh on the inside.
Thanks for letting me ramble on this sunny, Saturday afternoon. I really should get out of the house while I still can. Virus blog up next? I do want to say that I am tired of people telling me how I should feel about all this. Why not let me feel how I want to and keep your thoughts to yourself. I will say that it does worry me. I am not in panic mode but I am not ignoring the problem either. Would it be Vegas or Boulder? That is the question.
I had intended to write this blog about a childhood friend who was never actually a friend. To this day it hurts that she can't seem to see past her own insecurities or even admit that she was completely wrong in attacking me the last time I talked to her. Real friends don't put each other down or tell your dad to call the hospitals when she loses you at a concert, do they? Anywho- It's that dreaded love day that used to make me smile like a kid in a candy store....It used to be a day for flowers, jewelry, wine, snuggles and feeling apricated. Now days I am lucky I get asked what I want from Burger King as I scrub the dishes that the dishwasher didn't want t to clean, even after two cycles. Oh and my son has a new girlfriend, he didn't see the other girl as much as he wanted at the bus stop. He's 5 by the way. Is it to early to start drinking?
So I decided to buy my own Valentines gift as I have been doing for the past few years. I buy what I want for myself. I'm sure hubs would love for me to wait for him to surprise me with stuff but those days are long gone. Have I mentioned that it's our official anniversary as well. Seventeen years together. We used to buy each other those tacky cards, I have boxes full of them. I eventually said that he didn't really need to buy me stuff so he stopped and the, I get what I want began.
Those of you who have or had parents that lasted a long time, or are still together will understand. It's not about the things you buy. It's about the time spent together and how you live day to day. Even if you can't seem to be in the same room with each other at times. If I feel sad or down then I go paint or write or listen to the bands he seems to hate just to spite me. And no better Valentine gift could be given to me as one of the rock mags has put my boys on the cover once again. Somehow this band ends up on covers when I need them to. Last time it was my mothers birthday, she had been gone for almost twenty years at that point and I had to refrain from crying on their shirts when I dragged my best friends to the concert in the town that l fled when she passed. twenty years almost to the day.
Where were we??
Oh yes. That day of love and happiness crap. What actually sparked this blog post was not my loathing of V day or how good my boys look on that cover. It's more of a political thing. I tend to stay away from both political stuff and religion on the grounds that I don't care to fight with anyone. I have my views and you have yours. Some people get certain art and some others will never understand. Art is subjective and seen in so many different ways. There is an artist from my hometown who does those old glass plate photos of people from different reservations. His name is, Shane Balkowitsch and he had a photo of that one girl...you know who I am talking about. The little blond thing that has everyone in such a tizzy. Greta something.
Shane had been given permission to put his photo of her on the wall of a new bakery and you would have thought he was going to murder someone and put the photo up for all to see. He got threats, the owner got threats and everyone was up in arms over a mural. Luckily he was offered another building a little East of Bismarck. Fargo has an emerging arts scean downtown, even if I don't like how pricy aartments are sprouting up like mushrooms, it's good to see more and more venues for shows and street art. So the little blond girl will get her place on the wall after all. Of course people are already threatening to boycott the building and damage the artwork. Not sure how a peice of art is a threat to anyone but it seems that so much art is a threat in some way. Is it because it makes us think? I guess I will never understand some metalities.
Fargo and North Dakota in general are so far behind other cities in the art and culture area. We have began to make some changes, little things are happening that I see as a good sign and others don't want to see happen at all. We still don't have an acutual convention center. Just this last year they have finlly begun to talk about building one. Most big events are in bigger cities that are hours away from us. Change is happening but it's happening slowly. We are a red state so rooted in the past and bound by our small town mentality that any amount of change that is outside the norm is scary for some. I love my town, don't get me wrong. Winters, and cold winds, not so much, Being known as the top drunken college town also not so much. Don't even get me started on Bison football and the love of green and gold.
And on that note I will leave you with a tight smile and a shake of my head. It's trime for another cup of coffee and some Netflix show that I will probably turn off halfway through.
I have always loved reading and writing short stories. getting into king and other horror writers at a young age. I got my love of horror from my mother who loved the movie Halloween and would let me watch it with her when it came on the TV. Salem's lot was another show I remember being scared by and loving that feeling it gave me. There were other loves as I got older and branched out into SIFI and fell in love with Elfquest and Doctor Who. It wouldn't be until high school that I would find out that I was pretty good at abstract art and also had a love of theater.
Guess I should introduce myself hu? My author name is J.M. Rosenberry, but most people know me as Jade or DarkJade. Dark Jade Creations being the name I use for my artwork. I am a married, Midwestern mother of one. I love music and anything horror or spooky related. You could say I am the typical Midwesterner who works, tries to raise her child without losing her mind, not that I had much sanity to begin with, My goals are simple, survive the winter and dream of going to Disneyland with some of my favorite people. Oh yeah, I am also a small Youtuber when I can find the time and have written several stories for Grey and his Artists to Authors project. I have written one book you can find on Amazon with a second one being worked on in fits and starts. I am also a fan fic writer on Wattpad. Yes I have my hand in way to many Jars..haha.
So I wont boar you with my rambling and If you enjoyed the shlock of the 80's horror you might like The Midnight Within. It might not be king worthy but it's a fun ride. It's a mix of everything I am obsessed with and finally gotten out of the dark closet of my brain. Maybe with a little feedback I will be inspired to keep going or maybe I will end up scrubbing it all.
J. M. Rosenberry is a Midwestern author and artist. A lover of all things horror and Gothic. J M has been influenced by the likes of Poppy Z. Brite, Stephen king and Anne Rice. She lives in Fargo N.D. with her husband, son three cats and her beloved Japanese Chin, Sookie and often dreams of escaping to her favorite city of New Orleans.
You can also find me on FB https://www.facebook.com/JMROSENBERRY/