Artist Marko Alabaster
Nantwich, Cheshire, United Kingdom
Journal Entry 07-24-19
Ways of seeing your life has always been something I’ve been criticized for.
“Why did you do that”?
“You will never learn”! “It’s ok, but…”.
There was a time recently when I stopped my decades of self evaluation, and looked at (not the criticism) the critic.
There were several people that praised what I did as an artist, but the feeling their sentiments were a bit shallow, didn’t really grab my attention. The fear of failure was a hook to me, thrown by a small group that had many things to say, that were negative.
My initial thoughts were that these people had become demons, when in reality they were the ones that made me strive for the answers and ultimately success. Where was I going as an artist? Who was I as a person? Would my goals be clouded by delusions of grandeur, whereby my passion for painting would become complacent, lazy, neglected.
Constructive criticism is important, but the “demons” wanted to undermine me, for their own means.
It became clear when my latest works were referred to as dark. Compliment? Maybe.
The last few months for me have been very difficult as I lost my Mother, and had to move due to family commitments. Alcohol and an obsessive character became my enemies.
If there was a time to fail it would be now. Lost, frightened, uncertain future! True friends supported me, but one thing is pulling me through this unbalanced stage of my life. It’s the last painting I did, which to be honest is a work in progress as I put my art on hold. This artwork is part of my journal as its, ways of seeing.
“Waterfall of Skulls”
As the twilight is taken by the night, the cascading, cleansing waterfall, takes all that has drained life. Leading it to its inevitable doom.
Journal Entry 04-06-19
Today I'm happy, but I don't think anyone would be able to tell. It's hidden under the surface and clouded with anxiety. I'm not used to the combination, it's satisfyingly odd, if that’s possible. Happy takes me up and anxiety brings me down, so it’s with that combination I simply focus on the task at hand. The completion of this blog post.
Life is an unwritten book. You get to be the creator of your own story, crafting it day by day, undertaking the pivotal role as star. As we all travel the pages it is our connections and experiences that make the tale worth telling. The highs and lows keep the reader enthralled, but most of life's joy are found in the hidden passages, in the detail’s, in the secrets and often expressed as lies. It is in the realization that emotions rule, and a strong mental defiance is supremacy. Surprising as it may sound, happiness and joy as such are not emotions easily stored in long term memories like the trials and troubles, it is these very feelings that fuel and dominate the core reactions. Emotions provide the chapters. The very thing that make us human. You can't have the good without the bad.But what would you be if you didn't feel hurt, happiness, or despair? The trick is to balance them, so the bad doesn't seem so terrible, and that you can truly appreciate the good. A constant inner turmoil isn’t necessarily a bad thing, its how you overcome these emotional aspects and the influence you allow them to exert upon one self. The thing about life is, it pushes you until you break just to see if you can put yourself back together. Its how you do this that provides the ending.
Journal Entry: 03-16-19
There were many reasons I wanted to create this blog, beginning with the stigma attached to mental illness. Stigma is such a dreadful and damning word, because people are mentally ill, they are denied basic humanitarian rights and often shunned or derided in the public eye. This should not be the case, and I hope to change this perception in some way. This blog outlines my struggles and how coming to terms with not only my illness but myself, opened up a whole new world. Art.
Art to me is defined as a therapy, a place to release emotions and interpretations into artwork. As an artist I hope to use and promote my work, to influence people and to provide a coping mechanism to combat their own emotions and often internal battles. Art is an escape from reality that helps, maybe not everyone but it helps certain people by providing a voice (cliché perhaps) that conveys their own unique issues and emotions into art. Everyone has their own abilities on how to cope with emotions, may it be writing, reading, drawing, running etc. Mine has always been painting. Art has been a platform enabling me to express and encourage my continual positive growth and development. Art has given me that freedom to be vulnerable with my emotions where in the outside world that hasn’t been as easy. With brush in hand, stood over an easel I’m a different person, worlds apart from the man in public view, I’m hoping this blog allows me to be expressive in a new exciting way.
I hope that this blog will highlight the seriousness of mental illness but also attempt to breakdown the stigmatization of the illness’s and how finding an outlet can be life changing. For those reading this I hope you enjoy and that you are able to take something away, even the most minor of thoughts or concepts that can help in some small form.
I’m Marko and this is my Story. A man who buried his soul in a coma.
Marko is a self taught artist, totally inspired by Bob Ross. He has no initial education in painting as his focus was always on screenplay writing and storytelling. The one thing that he learned was that he could produce a creative product. Not so much a product, but a voice on canvas. We have 5 senses, and he puts all of them up to the test. Taste, (he cooks all the time), and love the experience of being totally fulfilled by the result. Smell. He adores the sense the smell a sea gives him. Sight, a beautiful person smiling as they touch you. Hearing would be his favorite music playing while he creates.
You can view some of Marko's work by clicking on his name.